Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
