i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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