are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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