Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
