Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
where does the pee come out of this thing
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
