Jerry, you need to find god
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
