Having a random hookup so left but love u
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
