her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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