Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
