i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
