sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
