some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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