I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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