The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
