my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
