I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
im calling her cock vulture from now on
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
