Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize