The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
