I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
