the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
