I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We left an ass print on the piano.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
