Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
