planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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