We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
