The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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