if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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