I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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