Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she looked like the before picture.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
