I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize