Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
