I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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