hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
