I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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