I cockslap morals
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
