I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
