well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I would fuck him just for his dog
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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