PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
