Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
