don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
