i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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