how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
