I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize