I puked a lego.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
and eventually we just all took our pants off
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize