Screwed.edu
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
