Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
