saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
