I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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