you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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