R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize