dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize