Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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