my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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