Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
