I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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