FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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