So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize