sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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