The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
