I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
