Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
