I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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