That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
