You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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