She went from zero to smokin in five shots
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Your penis caused this!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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